...and how did it happen? Was it hitting the featured post button or what?  I look in the Web Clips (Google floating side bar), Hugh Hewitt's name caught my eye, I opened it up, read an article by hugh, and went back looked again and everyone of my "lamb's life to live" blog posts is there! On the floating side bar! Well seems I outed my self with one post.

I guess after living my life, I'm beyond caring about my reputation anymore. Yet, I will admit ten tons of shame for the way I have failed to respond to God's grace given by His Son Jesus. But I deserve worse than I get.

It is a bit complicated from my point of view, but I can almost hear God saying something like: "David, it is not complicated from my POV. You have heard the Gospel. Now go and sin no more."

I ask for the prayers of those who know Him.

I reviewed a few of the posts and there are some inaccuracies. Guess I gotta run a tighter ship. The media, should they ever want to deal with someone of my ilk, demands accuracy and will point out untruths. If only we ALL feared of God and what He saw in us, rather than fearing what the paper might print, or the radio broadcast, or film at eleven, or blogon inaccuracies.  I'm such an obscure person in the earth, as perhaps you are, but everyone of us is known to our Maker.

There is a politician running here in Maryland and creating some small controversy, or is it that some has been created about him, and I saw him giving a speech the other day, looking like the proverbial deer in the headlights. Everybody is waiting for the big one to fall out of his mouth, the big gaff that is. And he is trying so earnestly to say all the "right" things every moment, for his base, and for the swing vote, and for a crossover vote...

Think what life might be like if you had that kind of scrutiny directed at you every time you spoke.  God knows us already, He knows the end from the beginning and the beginning from the end !!! He knows our hearts better than we know them. Does God really need to scrutinize you? King David wrote that God knew the words of His mouth before they were uttered by him.  It is scary! God does not mind it a bit if His presence causes you to tremble. It is a good thing to allow for, as He may bring you to a humble and usable state by this means. It is scary in a good way.

I think we are more scrutinized by the devil than by God !!! The devil is always, always, always out to trap everyone who might cause something good to happen. He can't trap God, but he will set about to destroy a man.  The list of reasons is not too long, but it is comprehensive according to the devil's plan.

1) He wants to kill you, and most everyone else, except those who are doing his bidding. They advance his desire to spoil God's plans for men and women.
2) He wants to keep everyone he possibly can away from the knowledge of a Holy, Almighty, Loving and Kind God.
3) He wants to destroy those who are even making the slightest moves toward God.
4) He wants to destroy the life and the testimony of faith and especially of the faithfulness of those who have confessed faith in God's Son Jesus.
5) He wants to make the people of God look foolish to those not able to trust God.

This is part of the truth about the times we live in. God is still God and always was and will be God. And the devil, the father of lies, is momentarily roaming about seeking to devour whom he may.

Over the years the devil has seemed to have much "success" as we see many many souls die whom we think will be sent to h-ll. I have more and more days here in my "home" town, when I am moved near tears seeing the work of the devil being done in the people, through drugs, alcohol, tobacco, promiscuous sex, false religion, and atheistic promotions. Not that they aren't wittingly or unwittingly cooperating in their own destruction. And I have my own battles. I think I have finally won over tobacco, alcohol and illegal drugs. I regret to say, and regret to say very much, that my battles with promiscuity are not over. I think I do OK in not being afflicted by atheism. And I'm OK as far as I can see about false religion. And while I trust God has given me a good understanding of His own Holy Doctrine, it is not a complete one by any means. And I find that in pride I often gloat intellectually regarding this doctrine as if my understanding of it in some way validated my existence. God is so kind not to have just killed me before now.

And here I am, little Davey, a sort of high IQ case of arrested development, with a streak of willfulness (stiffneckedness), ON THE BLOG !! ?? How did this all happen?

Something happened in the last few years that I can only account for as God sort of giving me less wiggle room. I have needed to mature in ways that I have let go unattended. By twenty seven, thirty years ago life was just a laugher for me. I had learned that unless you were really dumb, no one was going to get in the way of your sin very much. My parents couldn't prevent me from smoking pot, the courts wouldn't punish me for it, and porn was everywhere, and nobody I knew was doing anything about anything. I sure wasn't. After ten years of drug abuse I showed up on a church door step, and stayed for four years. i was mentally just out of it for a while, and then just not taught, mentored, shepherded of fathered by anyone there, except by prayer. I hesitate to go further. Let me leave you with this for the moment. For years I was told Billy Graham refused to come to this city because the division in the church was so great, that Billy could not enjoin and coordinate enough ministers to serve. They wouldn't get together, their differences were too great !!!  He did finally come in 1983.

I have tremendous heaviness in my heart. I don't know Mark Foley at all. But I can't imagine that somewhere in his heart he both wanted to make a difference and tried to make a difference. He is just a lot like me. But there is a principle at work according to God's way: If you cover up your sin you will NOT prosper. But is you uncover, that is confess your sins, and forsake give up quit your sins, you will at the least receive mercy. And in light of God's word His mercy is the beginning of all true human prosperity. I'm part way there, but not all the way, may God have mercy on me a sinner.

I ask again for prayers, that I not cave into the bitterness that moral failure can bring, and has already caused, and to unforgiveness to those who I might blame for failure. I also see that I need to remember that I am not exceptional.